***** FOOD JOKES *****

Posted on April 15th, 2013 · Music/Events/Other

***** FOOD JOKES *****

Got any good food-jokes?

A snail was knocking on a guy’s front door. The guy opened the door, picked-up the snail and threw him into the front yard. Three years later the same snail was knocking on the guy’s door, the guy opened the door and the snail said… Now, what was that all about?

Two guys from Alabama are walking down the street. One turns to the other guy and says—What’s in that bag that you are carrying. The second guy replies chickens. The first guy says, if I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one? The first guy says–If you guess right, you can have both of them. The second guy says…”ummmmh 5?”

A young kid walks into a barbershop. The barber says to the customer in his chair, this kid is amazingly dumb and tells the customer to watch. The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other. The barber shows his hands to the kid and asks him which hand he wants. The kid picks the hand with the two quarters, takes the quarters and leaves. Later that day, the customer spots the kid walking out of an ice cream store licking an ice cream cone. The customer goes over to the kid and asks him, why did he pick the hand with the two quarters and not the hand with the dollar bill. The kid says, the day I pick the hand with the dollar bill, is the day the game ends.

9 Comments to “***** FOOD JOKES *****”

  1. JKN says...

    Jeff, very nice!
    I get it, snail, chickens are food.
    Love the blog.

  2. Linda Cohen says...

    What did the waiter ask a group of Jewish mothers?
    Was anything ok?

  3. clongt says...

    a penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he had seen his brother.
    the bartender replied, whats your brother look like?

  4. JKH33496 says...

    Why are bananas never lonely?
    Because they hang in bunches.

  5. mark says...

    What cookie makes you rich?

    A fortune cookie!

  6. Milton Berle says...

    Jeff, loved your 3 jokes.

  7. gary says...

    A couple gets married and the wife puts a foot locker in the bedroom. She locks it and puts the only key on a chain around her neck. For 50 years her husband tries to figure out what’s in there, but she always changes the subject, and avoids the issue. Finally, on the night of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, he says to her “I’ve got to know what’s in the trunk!”. She takes the key, unlocks the trunk, and inside there are 2 ears of corn and $25,000. The guy says “what’s with the 2 ears of corn?”. She says, “Well umm, in the 50 years, every time I broke our marriage vows, I put an ear of corn in the trunk.” The guy figures “Twice in 50 years, not so bad…” Then he says, “What’s with the $25,000 ?” She says, “Well, every time I got a bushel, I sold it.”

  8. Pedro Angelo says...

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Lettuce who?
    Lettuce in.

  9. Blue says...

    Parrot On A Plane
    A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate. “Hey, bitch,” said the parrot, “bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!” The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle and the parrot pipes up again: “Dammit, you lazy whore where ‘s my whiskey? Hurry it up!” Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot ‘s drink.

    Impressed with the parrot ‘s technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself. “Hey, slut,” says the man, “get me a dry martini. And don’t drag your sorry ass – I want it right now!”

    The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.

    As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man,

    “Ya know, for someone who can’t fly, you got a lotta balls.”

Leave a Comment